Blog #2: Development

Self doubt is a natural part of any journey. For me, I never believed my work to be truly impressive. I spent a couple month’s worth of rent on a camera, that’s what is making the photos impressive. I didn’t necessarily hate my work, I just didn’t really believe in all the praise. I could always find flaws in the final product and I’ve went back to re-edit a finished photo more times than I could count. I’d tell myself it’s worth stressing over the small details because it subconsciously forces me to look out for mistakes I might make at the next photoshoot. This was good for consistent growth, but it wasn’t good for the stress and the strain on my work.

It’s not a job for anyone with a camera. That only came to me after my first full-day wedding. Leading up to it, I felt like I was in way over my head. But I had the necessary experience, I had been consistent, and up to that moment I took every opportunity to grow. I impressed myself with how I was able to solve issues on the go, and finally recognized why I was chosen to capture the wedding over the “uncle with a camera”. Someone had trusted me to capture their once-in-a-lifetime experience because of my style, my ability and my unique approach. I drove home from that wedding feeling nothing but proud of what I had accomplished.

A switch was flipped that day, and the self doubt started turning into self confidence. It affected my work, what I thought about it, how I talked about it, and how I presented it. I was no longer producing good work because I was constantly worried about my failures from previous shoots. I produced work I was proud of because every time I had a shoot, I was inspired to make something even better.

The photo of Vanessa on the beach was one of my best photos when I started my journey. I had found my niche and it marked the first time I was able to recognize my somewhat unique style. And while it’s still a good photo today, there is a clear difference compared to the second photo, taken with Vanessa just over a year later.

The visible growth is what inspired this blog. I know I’ll look back at the updated picture in the red a few years from now and question how I was ever that satisfied with the final result. But I’ll also know then just like I know now that it’s part of the process. I’ve learned that while self doubt can be a good motivator for growth—making you more humble and aware of the fact that there is always room for improvement—I’ve found treasure by overcoming the doubt instead, having confidence, rusting myself, and growing through inspiration.

Looking ahead into the journey that awaits me, I believe that what matters most is staying consistent, and trusting myself. I’ve put in the work and gained some experience - now I’m experiencing the results. I’ve come a long way and the road ahead is even longer. But so long as I hold this key, none of the upcoming obstacles will matter.