Blog #2: Development

Self doubt is a natural part of any journey. For me, I never believed my work to be truly impressive. I spent some $2000 on a camera, that’s what makes the photos impressive. I didn’t necessarily hate my work, I just didn’t really believe in all the praise. I could always find flaws in the final product and I’ve went back to re-edit a finished photo more times than I could count. I’d tell myself it’s worth stressing over the small details because it subconsciously forces me to look out for mistakes I might make at the next photoshoot. This was good for consistent growth, but it wasn’t good for its stress and for my mental health.

It’s not a job for anyone with a camera. That only came to me after my first 18 hour wedding. Leading up to it, I felt like I was in way over my head. But I had the necessary experience, I had been consistent, and up to that moment I took every opportunity to grow. I impressed myself with how I was able to solve issues on the go, and finally recognized why I was chosen to capture the wedding over the uncle with a camera. Someone had trusted me to capture their once-in-a-lifetime experience because of my style, my ability and my unique approach. I drove home from that wedding feeling nothing but proud of what I had accomplished.

A switch was flipped that day, and the self doubt started turning into self confidence. It affected my work, what I thought about it, how I talked about it, and how I presented it. I was no longer producing good work because I was constantly worried about my failures from previous shoots. I produced work I was proud of because every time I had a shoot, I was inspired to make something even better.

The photo of Vanessa on the beach was one of my best photos when I started my journey. I had found my niche and it marked the first time I was able to recognize my somewhat unique style. And while it’s still a good photo today, there is a clear difference compared to the second photo, taken with Vanessa just over a year later.

The visible growth is what inspired this blog. I know I’ll look back at the updated picture in the red a few years from now and question how I was ever that satisfied with the final result. But I’ll also know then just like I know now that it’s part of the process. While self doubt can be used as motivation to grow - making you more humble and aware of the fact that there is always room for improvement, I’ve found treasure by overcoming it instead - having confidence, rusting myself, and growing through inspiration.

Looking ahead into the journey that awaits me, I believe that what matters most is that I trust myself and that I’m consistent. I’ve put in the work and gained the experience. Now I’m experiencing the results. I’ve come a long way and the road ahead is even longer. But none of the incoming obstacles will matter, because I know that I hold the key to my future success.